Co-parenting is it possible?

Co-parenting is when two parents can put aside their differences and care for the children they have together. To have the ability to put their children's needs before there own. This is something the court expects every case that comes through the door.

Is it always feasible? No!

Sometimes there are people who are unable to let go of the past, to move on with their lives, and do what is needed for the children. You can have one parent do everything under the sky to be reasonable,  to accommodate the other parent, and to move forward with their life attempting to have a healthy co-parent relationship; but that will never work it both parents are not able to work together. 

Being a co-parent takes maturity, selflessness, and self control. Will every parent agree on everything? 

Highly doubtful!

The best thing to do is find mutual ground and understanding. It's nearly impossible to have a relationship with someone when they are being completely hateful. You can't do anything to make them happy let alone make them be decent for one minute, but you can control your own actions. You can still be the bigger person and do what you can for your children's future. 

Don't blame your self! You can't change a persons actions who doesn't want to change. Chances are, this is probably why you are not with them. They are incapable of seeing anyone else in this world but themselves. In the end, the children see everything! They will be the deciding factor in the end on who was being reasonable and who wasn't. 

If you are in a situation where you are the only person who is trying to be a co-parent, remember this:

1.    Always keep your text messages. If you are not able to communicate verbally, always keep your texts. Sometimes text messages will keep the bitter ex from acting out. *sometimes*

2.    When you encounter a possible argument, or deliberate sabotage from the other parent, take the high road. Do not stoop to there level, in the end, the problem will not be solved and the issue will grow with every poke and prod made in attempt to hurt the other. Eventually the other parent will run out of breath/anger stamina and go away. Granted it won't last long, they will be onto the next issue they want to focus on before you know it. The goal is to teach your children you do not have to get into an all out battle/ pissing match to win. You can win the fight by being intelligent and carefully selecting your words. In the end, the goal is have your children become up standing individuals who are not screwed up by a divorce.

3.    Do not ever introduce a new partner into your life as the "new dad/mom". You are just asking for a fight. No parent should ever feel as though the other is trying to vindictively replace them in their child's eyes. If there is any type of co-parenting going on, this will surely diminish any  progress quickly. Granted... any person who is able to open their heart to a child that isn't theirs, is a good thing. I have always seen it as, that is another person in my children's lives who will love my children. Children now days need all the love they can get! This world is cruel and ugly, children need guidance and the more people who can show them they are not alone, the better!

4.    In an attempt to being amicable, try to keep the children out of the system. The more they are exposed to the court system, the worse they become. Court systems are very traumatic, its equivalent to two people putting the children in the middle and each one pull in a different direction, in the end hurts the children. They develop a messed up since of what to expect in their future. After all, I too am a product of a divorce, I repeated all the same mistakes my parents made.  

Being amicable and keeping the children is not always possible, trust me I know! I at times feel as though I married Satan's Spawn. He fights me at every chance he can. There is no possible way to be mutual and pleasant because he is unable to move on and see the bigger picture... the children. This does not stop me from doing everything I can to be nice. I know what it's like to watch my parents fight, scream, do horrible things to hurt one another. In the end, all it did was screw up my childhood and introduced me to the cycle of divorce. Now, years later, I see the cycle and I am attempting to break it.

5.    Have reasonable goals. If you are fighting what appears to be Satan, do not expect anything fair coming into your favor. They will do whatever it takes to trick you and get the upper hand. The best goal I have came up with is a long term goal, "have a functioning relationship with my children". This has taken a few years to make progress, but because they are getting older everyday, they know I love them more than anything and I will always do what is best for them. 

Being a co-parent is every difficult when you are the only one. Always attempt to work together, you never know, the other parent might finally grow out of the selfishness and do what is right for the children. In the end, children benefit from two parents working together verses against each other. After all, they are doomed to repeat your mistakes.